While coloring the Keen Outlook cards, I couldn’t help reflecting on how much previous endeavors were motivated by seeking credit in one form or another. This compulsion may have germinated in childhood but now that it was exposed I became vigilant whenever the unproductive tendency manifested such as interrupting, exaggerating, embellishing or fretting about feeling dismissed. I eventually understood that seeking credit, in effect, robs the unconscious of acknowledgement because we couldn’t even function without the unconscious. Every morning, I contemplated the repercussions from seeking credit until slowly I sensed a release from its grip on my temperament. Gradually, the indulgent habit and insecure mindset substantially subsided.

Then out of the blue, a friend called to say he’d finally commenced reading the book I wrote and gave him a few years ago. His effusive praise completely threw me off balance like an obese man eliminating sugar from his diet, seeing tremendous weight loss, only to be abruptly presented a banana split Sunday. I couldn’t stop myself from splurging and felt awful afterward, realizing that seeking credit, in thought or deed, actually deprives people of expressing their full appreciation. My nagging neediness hadn’t gone anywhere since so little had revealed it.

I pulled a card on this unsettling episode and got the word “WONDER” with the picture of putting eggs all in one basket.

 

It’s a wonder how I put all my eggs in one basket by seeking external credit rather than developing validation within. Eggs signify potential growth and I wonder why I depend on risk rather than prudence when it comes to development. Plus, relying too much on one container to carry potential growth instead of multiple containers isn’t using intelligence.

It’s a wonder my tendency to take unnecessary risks hasn’t been resolved by now. Seeking credit means too much emphasis on favorable appreciation by others, which makes evolutionary sense in order to garner support. However, it fails to recognize the greater contribution of the unconscious. Seeking credit is like putting all our eggs in the basket of social status. When we genuinely do something for ourselves, denigration or complements from others won’t determine the beneficial impact.

Receiving effusive credit unexpectedly knocked me off balance for a bit because it arrived totally unanticipated and then nothing. No response to a follow-up. It was an ephemeral moment in which I carefully monitored myself as if crossing a narrow log over a rushing stream only to fall in the water anyway. What I learned is that seeking credit comes from not knowing how to give it to ourselves or accept it from ourselves – not the false credit of bravado but the true credit of inner confirmation.